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06/06/06: The Great Satanic Sunscreen-Slathering Cabal holds its annual press conference

Do Your Skin a Favor: Protect It in Summer - New York Times, 6 Jun 2006

Talk about sending mixed signals:

...true, 80 percent of UV damage from sun exposure occurred in childhood and adolescence, when we older folks knew nothing about sunscreen, sometimes suffered scorching sunburns, or lay in the sun slathered in oils to enhance tanning.

So basically, if we're over 20, unless we deliberately start spending more time in the sun than in our youth, it's not gonna matter anyway. Well, that sounds reassuring. OK, time to head on out and go enjoy the day, right? No, wait...

First, there is no evidence that the use of sunscreen increases the incidence of skin cancer.

That would somewhat defeat the purpose, don't you think?

Nor is there evidence that regular use of sunscreens can cause internal damage. These are surface agents only; they don't get inside cells or penetrate deep into the skin.

Surface agents...you mean, like a nicotine or estrogen patch?

Dermatologists recommend the routine daily use of a sunscreen with an S.P.F. rating of 15 or higher on all exposed areas — whether the day is sunny or cloudy and skin is light or dark. UV radiation readily penetrates cloud cover.

So, even if we're 20 and older, we should still spend hours each day slathering on greasy sunscreen in order to try to prevent the remaining small percentage of added damage that might occur? Hey, speaking only for myself, I've got nothing better to do - and I really like the feeling of being greased up, all ready for action, whether that be doing water-less belly slides on the grass, making pale-skinned pornography, or just plain-old greasin-'it-in-the-great-outdoors. And don't forget to use at least an SPF 5 at night - even though the earth blocks most of the harmful UV rays, those nasty little solar neutrinos still get through.

You know, I think the real reason sunscreens reduce sun damage is that by the time you're done greasing up, changing clothes because you got a bunch on your best shirt and shorts, greasing up ag... - whoops, ran out of the stuff, better run to the store to get more - ...ain, greasing up your kids, dog, cat and goldfish, heading out the door - whoa, better get a soapy rag to wipe down that doorknob, I got SPF 30 glop all over it - oh, and now the rag wiped all the sunscreen off my hands, better put some more on those - OK, now we can finally get going - but, where are my car keys? Oh, they're right here in my pants pocket, just let me fish 'em on out ... Dang! Got SPF 30 all over the pocket, better go back inside and change my shorts again ... wait, better wipe my hands down with that rag again before touching the doorknob... - the day's pretty much over anyway.

Sure, if you're going to spend the day at the beach with nothing better to do, fine - but this we-must-be-paranoid-about-sun-exposure 24/7 is just ridiculous. It's called life. No use just throwing it away, but a whole lot more of us are gonna die of other things than of melanoma. I expect that eating one less fast-food meal per month will likely do more as far as one's personal longevity is concerned than spending time every day slathering on SPF infinity. And in most circumstances there's plenty of less-annoying ways to protect one's skin against sun damage. Wear a hat. Find some shade. Do your outdoor activities earlier or later in the day. (I do believe the Spaniards and Mexicans invented the midday "siesta" for a good reason.) Instead of spending your vacation days just lying like a lump on the beach, broiling like a steak, consider taking a hike instead. (Or godforbid, bring an umbrella along with your beer cooler and the latest Jackie Collins novel - it is in fact possible to be indolent, tipsy and mindless-fun-enjoying without getting a severe sunburn, to boot.) And most of all, assuming you've taken some simple, sensible precautions, don't let the natterings of a bunch of scare-story-spreading dermatologists keep you from enjoying the great outdoors. Not much use living to be 100 if you never really lived, because you were too afraid to.